Yesterday I FINALLY got the call from Maryland, the one I’d been dying to receive. The one I’d been dreading. I still had 5 hours left to teach high schoolers and be a calm, composed adult around my students. My heart broke a couple hours later when I got a text from a roommate that she was energetic and playful, showing very few signs of being 7 days post-amputation.
The biopsy findings revealed that the tumor was a fibrosarcoma, grade 3. They were able to see cancer-free margins, but barely, and according to the surgeon, it will probably only take a month or two to take her from us to the rainbow bridge. Chemo might add a couple more months, and radiation might add a year, but neither of those treatment options seem fair for how little time they would give her.
I took her in today to get a couple bumps looked at; one is a seroma, and the other is the muscle flaps (technical terms…) sewn together. Thankfully the vet didn’t feel any tumor-like lumps or bums. Based on how aggressive the tumor was, once we start to see tumors, the lungs will not be far behind. She did try to give a little hope and said that they do surprise us sometimes with many extra months, and I’ve found that to be true in many of your stories here on Tripawds. It’s very encouraging to read things like that, but sometimes that isn’t enough to stop the visions of bringing her to the vet one more last time, or bringing her home for a minute so Kho can smell her body to say goodbye.
I’m trying not to cry as I type this…it’s not working.
The summer is fast approaching, and from mid-July to mid-August I leave on tour to teach a drum corps. I’m doing my best not to dwell, but it’s hard to imagine leaving her if she’s still doing ok, or if a tumor forms before I leave. Plus I’ll be moving at the beginning of July. I’m so overwhelmed with all this and how fast it’s happened. How does my beautiful, healthy, sweet-as-can-be Sheherazade have an aggressive cancer? And then guilt sets in with how many people suffer from cancer, and Raz is an animal. It’s so many emotions and thoughts, my brain is exhausted!
For now, we take each day and enjoy it. Raz has pooped about 4 times since surgery, and she played for the first time in over a month! Tonight she climbed up the side of the dog crate, much like a monkey, and made it to the top! I’m so proud of her and how she’s adapting. She’s being well-spoiled, and I’m trying to be fair and love on Kho just as much, so he doesn’t get jealous.
Enjoying all our time,
Raz (tripawd sister)
Kho (monkeybutt brother)
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